Best Instagram Caption Ideas

I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome.

My wallet is like an onion — opening it makes me cry.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm doing side quests.

I speak fluent sarcasm.

I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately explaining why I'm correct.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

I don't sweat — I sparkle.

I put the 'elusive' in 'exclusive'.

Too glam to give a damn, too smart to play dumb.

My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.