Best Instagram Caption Ideas

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I asked my dog what two minus two is. He said nothing.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

I asked the librarian if they had books about paranoia. She whispered: they're right behind you.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll let it go.